Updated: Apr 28, 2021
Nowadays both men and women wonder if sex is nothing more than the pure relief of physical tension. There seems to be a longing for connection and meaning to the experience, beyond genital sex or sexual arousal play.
In our western world the analysis of sex is related to matters of "performance" such as whether you reach orgasm, how long you last for, and with whom and with how many people you do it in a week.
When it comes to women, she lives immersed in a world of double messages. Hence, experiencing her sexuality fully is truly a challenge for her.
It is widely recognised that decent girls "don't like sex". That sex is dirty unless it's with the person you love.
Added to this are the explicitly sexual images that bombard us through the media, inciting us to sexual arousal and romance associated with a commercial product.
They incite us to look like sensual women, to show our bodies, to desire sex, and when we do they qualify us as "easy", "not very serious" and so on.
Men are not left behind. His manhood depends exclusively on his erection, his reason for living depends on his sexual prowess, his success with women depends on size or penetration capacity. And then they are condemned by women for not being sensitive, for not cultivating a non-genital sexuality, more subtle more from the feeling.
Men and women often pursue orgasm as the ultimate goal of sexual connection, and they miss out enjoying connection, intimacy, and enjoyment of pleasure just for pleasure.
When the first scientific studies on human sexuality began to be made in the Western world, men were compared with women and women appeared less interested in sex than men.
These results were obtained because an interpretation of female sexuality was made as if it was equal to the male.
Male sexual energy is fiery, intensely instinctive, and indiscriminate. Most men feel sexual desire almost daily in their adolescence and as young adults and is associated with age-appropriate testosterone levels.
When the Masters and Johnson studies emerged, the first description of the sexual response in 4 phases was made. Arousal, Plateau, Orgasm and Resolution. This physiological interpretation is real and applicable to men and women, but it has proven over time to have fallen short in describing what human sexuality is.
There are aspects of emotional and spiritual satisfaction that some consider to be the most important thing for them about the sexual connection, which are not measurable with this model, and therefore had not been taken into account until now.
In the last 100 years, there have been approximately 750 studies of sexual response in the United States, and virtually all of them define sex in terms of intercourse and/or orgasm, and none of them asked women how they felt about or what sex represents to them.
We are bombarded by pressure from pharmaceutical companies to combat a lack of sexual desire or low libido, when we cannot even understand the multidimensional aspect that sexuality has.
The search is for a cream, a patch or a pill.
What women want from sex is love, passion, closeness, empathy, respect, mutual care, pleasure, a renewed sense of energy, a sense of connection with their partner, and a sense of connection with themselves.
These are not attributes of the woman as a gender, they are qualities or longings of The Feminine Energy. To the extent that man has been integrating his feminine quality in him, he has begun to desire the same things that the woman has always desired.
As he goes connecting with his emotions, opening his heart and developing his intuition, he has begun to have a longing for this type of connection.
The idea that sex can be much more than we know can be exciting but it can also be scary, since sex can touch a person's soul and can transform their life, and that can be very scary.
Sex is more than something you do. Sexual energy is part of who we are, although most of the time we are not aware of it.
In the search to integrate Sexuality with Spirituality, Dr. Ogden designed a questionnaire called "Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality" whose initials are ISIS. It is not by chance that the design of the work invokes through her name the presence of the feminine cosmic force through the name of the Goddess Isis.
It received 3,810 responses, making ISIS one of the largest scientific sex polls in the United States. It was answered by a huge variety of women, from teenagers to elderly women, of different races, religions, level of education, politics, work, geographic location, and sexual attitudes.
The population that answered the questionnaire included believers and atheists, conservatives and liberals, pro-abortion and anti-abortion people, teachers, doctors, nurses, church people, builders, students, artists, office personnel, and blue-collar workers. Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transsexuals, people who had been sexually offended and people who had been sexually abused, addicts, survivors of religious cults, prisoners, sex workers and transvetists. Single, married, divorced, widowed. People in sexless relationships, in clandestine relationships, in polyamorous, in monogamous relationships, in relationships with more than one sexual partner.
In the survey, it was possible to write a letter that explained more fully something that the participant wanted to say. 1500 letters were received which are amazing, spontaneous documents that surprise and move. They are the first proof that women feel much more about sex than researchers have so far believed and led us to believe.
These letters are introduced to the mysteries of sexual connection, these letters teach how to open hearts and souls, how to let our partners know what is our deepest desire, how to hold on from not being overwhelmed when it feels so much, when there so much trust, so much light, so much love.
The letters and marginal notes written by those who answered the questionnaire expressed themes that were universal to the well-being: the need for self-esteem, the longing for human touch, for nutrition, for intimacy, and love, desire of meaning in life and continuity, and enjoyment in the delicious connection of sex and spirit.
Sexual energy is in us since we are born and no one knows when it ends. Dr. Ogden claims to have seen the sparkle in a man's eyes when his wife put on dance music for hours after he died, and he showed excitement and recognition through his eyes and waved a shoulder in dance sign., and the wife lay beside him and moved with him in an intimate dance that united their hearts until he died.
Sexual energy is always with us, whether we want to act it genitally or not. It is not just about intercourse and orgasm.
It is about movement and receptivity. It is about our deepest emotions and how we get in touch with others. It is about how we think, feel and love.
It affects every aspect of our life and is in us until we leave the planet.
One of the bigest finding of the ISIS survey was showing that sex was more than just a physical experience. They said that sex touched their bodies, their minds and their hearts, and some spoke of touching the soul. For some of them, sex was the entrance to a realm of revelation and grace, "the door to more love, to more wonder, to greater dimensions of spiritual experience."
Other women spoke of sexual energy opening them to a vibrant universe of colors and light, spontaneous healing, past life memories, and direct encounters with the Divine - God-Goddess and other beings of Light.
In what way is Sex more than just Physical?
86% said that sex involves love, romance, and mystical union.
79% said that sex relieves emotional tension.
75% said that sex intensifies their internal vitality.
67% said sex has to be spiritual to be satisfying.
59% said their spiritual beliefs help them move through greater intimacy.
47% said they had experienced God during a state of sexual ecstasy.
45% said they had experienced sexual energy during a state of spiritual ecstasy.
15% of people had never thought about the connection between sexuality and spirituality until they answered the questionnaire.
This must be understood evolutionarily. The woman is responsible for choosing a man who will fertilize her and is responsible for the "quality" of this new being. There is an instinct in her that leads her to want to mate with someone who has empathy for her. In addition to that energetically the template that will attract the particles to form the new being will have a higher vibrational frequency according to the experience of love and ecstasy at the time of fertilization.
It is interesting to note in the survey responses that honesty and being able to share deep feelings intensifies erotic sensitivity, that sex has more meaning when there is more communication with the other staff and you can share what you think, feel and know. So that emotional intimacy makes it possible to explore deeper dimensions of physical sex.
Finally, let's mention the topic of spirituality.
Through sexual healing and the spiritual depth of sexuality we are able to understand the connection with the other person and the connection with all that is.
Sexuality allows one to experience with intensity and awareness the contrast between pleasure and pain, empathy and control, love and hate, caring and neglecting, giving and receiving, justice and violence.
Connecting sex and spirit is an "amazing tool for transcending the mundane and communicating with the source of all power and life."
The sexual response begins before we become sexually aroused.
It is associated with our dreams, with our daily activities, with our life history. If we were cared for when we were little, if we received nutrition, affection, trust.
If you were adored and pampered as a child, you will most likely feel adorably sexual as an adult. Every cell and synapse remembers these early experiences and feeds positive messages directly into your adult response to sexual stimulation.
Instead, memories of rejection and abuse fuel fear and loathing for the here and now sexual response.
These positive memories are just as powerful as the negative ones, but they are never explored.
We have not yet broken the paradigm that it is not okay for women to be sexual.
However, pleasure is the primary source of power, beauty, and a sense of belonging.
A rich and abundant sexual experience overwhelms the room and influences every aspect of life, past, present and future.
“This was not growth, this was transformation. I started learning and practicing unconditional love and it was magical. My spirituality exploded and encompassed everything. All aspects of my life took on a meaning of totality, there was no separation between spirituality and love, between spirituality and sex, between spirituality and relationship, spirituality and everyday life. I began to see everything with new eyes, nothing was the same. I am now like a baby, fresh and new, who knows nothing and has to start over again.
It is difficult to find words to explain this experience, it is almost impossible to answer them in a questionnaire ”.